Have you ever felt that someone was downplaying your emotions, values or experiences? Maybe you heard words like “don’t exaggerate” or “well, if that’s what you think…”, or your experiences were simply ignored. In moments like these you can feel unimportant, disregarded or even hurt. That’s a natural reaction.
What is dismissiveness?
Dismissiveness is a form of emotional invalidation: brushing off what you feel, think and experience. It can be a small, seemingly innocent sentence, and yet it carries a lot of weight. It makes your emotions seem unworthy of attention, which over time can weaken your self-esteem.
The consequences are real. When someone regularly rejects your emotions, you begin to feel pain and self-doubt. Acknowledging and accepting feelings works the opposite way: it builds trust, strengthens relationships and helps you feel that you matter.
How to respond when someone dismisses you
It isn’t always easy to respond directly. But there are strategies that can help:
- Use “I” statements. Instead of attacking the other person, talk about yourself and your feelings.
Example: “I feel dismissed when I hear ‘don’t exaggerate’.”
If it feels difficult, practise these statements beforehand, for example in front of a mirror. - Set boundaries. Say clearly when something hurts you.
Example: “Please don’t speak to me like that. I feel that comments like this are hurtful to me.”
You may need to repeat it a few times, especially if you haven’t set boundaries before. - Stand up for your feelings. Even if someone says you are overreacting, don’t take it on board. You have the right to feel differently from the other person, and your emotions are just as important.
How to regain calm and self-worth
We don’t always have control over how others treat us. But we do have control over how we treat ourselves.
- Accept your emotions. You can write them down or repeat supportive affirmations such as “My feelings matter” or “I matter”.
- Keep your distance. If someone constantly denies your emotions, consider limiting contact or creating a protective space. It’s a form of self-care, not selfishness.
- Try “grey rocking”. This means giving neutral, calm reactions to a person who doesn’t respect your boundaries. That way you stop giving them “fuel” for further dismissiveness.
Summary
Having your emotions dismissed is a real problem that can affect your self-esteem and your relationships with others. That’s why it’s so important to notice your feelings, stand up for them and communicate your boundaries clearly. Remember: taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, it’s an act of self-respect.
And you? Do you already use any of these strategies in your life?
